i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
