Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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