As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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