I am puke
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Damn victory sex feels great
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
