i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
