She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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