ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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