So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
