Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
