I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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