can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
