I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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