so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
