she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
