so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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