nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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