Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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