i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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