I just gift wrapped bread.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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