I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
