I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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