I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
