This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
