I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
