i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
