if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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