Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
