I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
