My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
