I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
