Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
