There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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