I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize
