you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
