So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
