Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
