do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
