That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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