there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
