can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
