so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i've created a new STD.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
