Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
