I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
