Welp...herpes.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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