I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
