I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
