I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
