i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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