3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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