well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
