We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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